Illusion in the illusion — the cost is extremely high
Imagination… I have always considered it as an integral part of a creative work, which paints a life in the bright colors, giving a sense of happiness. I have imagined heroes for myself and then based on the fantasies I have written stories and poetry. The whole worlds have revived due to my fantasy, inspiring me to a new creation. It has seemed that I have been creating a life myself :”After all, I don’t do anything wrong, do I? I just create something and it brings me pleasure.”
However, my imagination has not confined itself to the “new” world. Communicating with people, I have played the scenes of our meetings and dialogues in my head. Everyone in these fantasies has admired me, helped to reach a success, cared for me, cherished and loved me a lot. And I have thought again:”After all, I do not do anything wrong. As it is said, there is no harm in dreaming.”
Having read the books by Anastasia Novykh and having started to follow the spiritual path, I have noticed that these pictures started to bother me. They have taken a lot of time and energy; they have not brought previous pleasure as I have already had the experience of feeling . I have observed and realized that these pictures in my head arise constantly and right after them, a voice appears pointing out what to do or blaming me or, on the contrary, praising. I have asked myself what does the imagination mean in reality?
The dictionary of short psychological terms has suggested that an imagination – is “an ability to imagine an absent or non-existent in reality object, to keep it in the consciousness and manipulate it mentally.” This is true, my person in her dreams has held leading positions, as the entire world revolved around her. The dreams have allowed creating a comfortable world where it was possible to manipulate people, as only my will has been there. Has it been my will?
Rigden: What we believe to be our own will is an illusion of our perception from the perspective of thinking of an individual mind of three-dimensional space. If we consider our example, a person just activates the incoming flow of information with his choice and spends his life force on realization of this Will. Will, whether emanating from the Spiritual nature (the world of God) or coming from the Animal nature (the Animal mind) is a force from the outside, or, rather, an information programme implemented in a certain structure that carries it out. A substitution from the Animal mind lies in the fact that the Personality of the person perceives the forms of manifestation of one of these two global forces as his own will, which in fact it does not have.
Anastasia: In other words, what a person believes to be his own will and what he is excessively proud of, is not his own. It’s just a force that has entered him from the outside by means of the information he has chosen. It activates feelings, emotions, and thoughts in him that spur him on to certain actions within the programme of this Will, which is related to expenditures of life energy.
From the book “AllatRa” by Anastasia Novykh
In the course of time, the images of the heroes that I have created in the childhood have become older and started to impose their will upon me. That is, I have not made up the events of their life when writing an ordinary story. They have lived their personal lives and I have only written it down materializing these images, feeding them with my life energy.
When have I signed a contract with this demon-dragon, which I have fed for 24 years? The first that has come to my mind was a scene of humiliating my person. I was 6-7 years old; I did not always get good marks or wrote without mistakes. This exasperated my mum a lot; she could not have control over herself and grabbed a belt. Then I went away to my made-up world, as no one could hurt me there, I felt cozy and comfortable there. Does it turn out that the circumstances have pushed me to create a pattern of behavior?
There is a subtle substitution from the consciousness behind this memory. It comes out that someone else is to blame for the fact that I have so unwisely put own life energy into this illusory world. However, in reality, I have not wanted to admit honestly that, first, I know very well the entry point and remember it quite vividly and, secondly, I have made a choice myself, and nobody has pushed me to do it. It has turned out exactly this way.
I was about 5 years old. I was reading the book “Pinocchio” and saw a picture of a dead boy at one of the pages. He laid on the ground with a shirt wide-open and fair hair full of dust. Then, for the first time in my life, I felt something similar to a sexual desire. I wanted to indulge in fantasies. I imagined that he was in love with me and I was saving his life. It was something new. It brought me a light pleasure, after all, I did not need to save this boy in reality, everything happened in a fraction of a second, and the boy in my imagination behaved as I wanted. I liked that everything was so simple. The voice in my head whispered; “You do not do any harm to anyone.” However, I knew that I acted wrong and this knowledge did not allow telling anyone what was going on in my head.
It is interesting that the consciousness has blocked everything connected with that situation. I have not taken this book in my hands any more , I have read neither "Pinocchio" nor "Buratino", I have seen neither cartoons nor films about these heroes. As if I have wanted to forget about this episode.
Therefore, I have found a root of the problem. Once I have got a pleasure from a fantasy. The pleasure has been light and quick. Then I have been getting pleasure for all my life from imagining of one or another situation. Now I know that the cost for these pictures is extremely high. This is my life energy, essential for merging with the Soul and returning Home. As a matter of fact, the cost for the illusions is my own Life.
Life in love and happiness is much more beautiful than an existence in the illusions of the imagination! The pleasure given by imagination was just a substitution of Love. Why do I need a substitution if I can live by Love itself?
Written by Tatiana (Saratov city)
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