I first came across the Knowledge described in the books of Anastasia Novykh in 2015. It brought up a strong spiritual surge inside. Simultaneously, along with a feeling of happiness and love, I had a fixed thought: “If you want to come to God, you need to quit your job, move to a different city, burn the bridges with your old life and join a convent.” As if the conditions I was in and the people around would harm me, interfere and distract me from my spiritual path.
At that time, I was not yet aware that this was a directive from the system that convinced me, as a Personality, that I could not, without changing the external conditions, remain in that blissfulness in which it was given to be. And I accepted that.
Now I understand that it was my own consciousness that wanted to separate me from the usual social circle and put me somewhere far away under various plausible excuses.
My consciousness fantasised how good I would feel in a monastery, away from world’s distractions, how quiet, calm and comfortable I would be, how I would stay there in local labor and prayer. But in fact, it was a signal of pride and a desire to run away from responsibility towards myself, so that there would be no difficulties on my path through which I as a Personality should grow up. And what the most typical for my consciousness was the arguments consisted of vague promises like: "it would be…” and ”quiescent" in there – from the word “quiescency”. The consciousness always wants to immobilize the Personality.
Fortunately there was a close friend and like-minded person nearby, through whom, actually, I came into contact with knowledge, and he kept me from hasty decisions. A friend told me kindly, simply and without any lectures: “Do not rush to burn bridges, calm down, look around, let a little time pass, and if you are also firm in your intention, then you will leave.” So I decided to do so.
Some time passed, and my impulse began to fade a little, but the idea of settling in some monastery for at least a week and seeing the monastery structure from the inside still did not leave me, and to be honest, I didn’t let go of it myself. At the first opportunity, this thought fattened by my attention emerged and scrolled with the same phrase in my head: I should have gone to a monastery. At the same time it causes in me sluggish and long-lasting emotions of sadness and regret about the imperfect action.
After two more years, the New Year holidays were approaching with a great chance to get such an experience.
I chose one of the monasteries, called the chancery, agreed to arrive and, as they say “to work hard for the Glory of God."
On the very first day, I was assigned obedience – to clean the sidewalks from snow on the territory of the monastery, in fact, I started with a big pleasure. Pure and fresh air, silence and calm – all these made me happy.
Patterns began to unlock slowly. For example, earlier I thought that my body doesn’t care what to eat and where to sleep. However, in practice it turned out to be the opposite. And the very first days of self observation showed indignation of consciousness from lean food and uncomfortable sleep, which I had not noticed before.
In unusual conditions, it was extremely difficult for me to concentrate on relaxation and to meditate calmly, without attracting attention, as I did in a cozy home environment, that is, I did not appreciate the conditions in which I stayed and allowed myself to be inactive as a Personality.
It would seem that I came to get experience, and a small step away from comfort – and so many difficulties, rejection and discontent of my own consciousness.
Now I am describing the experience I had and my consciousness is very indignant: “Well, why are you writing this? Who needs these tales? Consciousness is stereotyped, and the guys had the same experience. This is quite banal and not interesting. Stop writing all that nonsense”.
I allow myself to think aloud: "If my mind became noisy and persistent, discouraging me from writing an article, then it must certainly be written".
Being in the monastery, I observed myself and the people around me and often remembered the words of Igor Mikhailovich Danilov:
I also noticed some of the guys living with me in the same cell. I watched what the guys were doing, what they were saying, what they were interested in...
– One of the guys D. knew the Gospel almost by heart, learned many prayers, but at the same time there was some strange vanity in his actions and attempts to attract attention to himself. Maybe I'm wrong, but it seemed to me that he was suffering inside and something was missing in him...
– Two guys from Moscow I. and K. arrived at the monastery for the New Year holidays. We talked a lot, and when it was almost time to leave, I found out that it was not their first trip to various monasteries. K. said that his friend I. was a candidate of science, and in the world they work as psychologists. I really like that they are diversified and strive to know God, not only through Christianity, but also through science. In addition to everything, they practice Oriental meditations, not limiting themselves only to church canons.
– Another guy S. often joked, laughed and did not offend anyone with his jokes. Spiritual experience was felt behind him, and that he was firm in his intention to come to God. We communicated with him simply and naturally, he taught me how to make prayer beads, we talked a lot about the lives of the holy elders, about ascetics, about their life on the way to God. He was never the first to start talking about God, about the Spiritual World. I warmly think of our communication, but I don’t remember the details of our conversations, my mind wiped them out. But I remember the feeling of quiet joy, peace and silent pleasure in which we were during our conversations from Soul to Soul. When I left the monastery, S. presented me wicker prayer beads.
Now I remember those 10 days spent in the monastery, and I feel warm and joyful inside. Having gained practical experience, I deprived my consciousness of one of the hooks for which it pulled me and provoked me to emotions. Because emotions are what gives energy to the animal mind system or, as they say in Christianity, the devil.
Also the understanding has come, that the primary impulse from the Soul to the Personality is given for its liberation, and consciousness tries to transform this impulse into a three-dimensional world in every possible way. And here the choice of the Personality itself is very important: to direct all your attention to a feeling of love for God or to the realization of temporary material desires.
Nothing external can interfere with the inner spiritual development, any circumstances are called to teach and strengthen the human Spirit.
When you get right down to it, why people striving for spiritual growth are constantly attacked by the idea from the consciousness to join a convent or to somehow get isolated from the surrounding world? Because it perfectly understands that in "greenhouse" conditions the progress of the Personality will go slow, or in general the person will fall into the illusion of his sanctity and will stop growing spiritually. Indeed, in solitude you will meet fewer people, thanks to whom you can see the manifestations of certain patterns in yourself. You will not often face situations that will provoke emotions and in which it is important to learn to keep inner peace.
There is another important reason why consciousness tries by all means to isolate a person who has chosen the spiritual path. Narrowing the circle of his communication, it leads away from the chance "to awaken" many other sleeping Personalities, to help them get out of the system’s grip.
The acquired practical experience leads to new understandings and, most importantly, to the freedom of the Personality from consciousness, that is, step by step, with small victories, the Personality achieves freedom.
I remember a phrase from the book of A. Novykh "AllatRa" when Master Vidia told her pupil Amrit:
In life, nothing prevents a person from coming to God: neither the place of residence, nor the people around, nor working conditions. The path to God is an inner work on yourself and a cultivation of Love within and it doesn't matter where your body is. It all depends on the inner firm intention to come into the Spiritual World. The main thing is not to listen to your consciousness, but to act and to have a single vector of movement to the main goal of your life – Spiritual liberation and finding True Life.
Without pompous words for myself, I realized that I could do more good in the world. Since then, the voice in my head has remained silent about the need to leave for the monastery.
ALLATRA IPM participant Grigoriy
Thank you a lot for your story. Each of us often faces the situations like yours when consciousness tries to make us put our attention to outness and draw it away from inner work. The more examples and different stories we know, the easier for us to make the right choice!