Do I know how to love?
Do I know how to love? And what do I call love? I honestly asked such a question when I once again saw in myself a flurry of pride and selfishness. After all, I love everyone so much! My husband, children, relatives, friends, but most importantly, I love God so much. And at the same time, I demand, I expect, I make claims and I am offended that my loved ones do not meet my expectations. After all, I know better what a relationship and a person as a whole should be. And discontent grows like a snowball, and irritation wanders everywhere during the day, and disappointment eventually covers me with the head completely. Anxiety is right there, as if standing behind the threshold, does not take long to wait. And self-pity, so good, straight to tears. And the sadness from morning to night. How come? I'm so good from all sides, and everyone else is nothing but creeping nasties, spoiling my life. But I still love them. They will be lost without my love.
Is there love in that? Perhaps it is in the claims? Or hiding in expectations?
Maybe love follows anxiety and fear for loved ones? Or maybe it made friends with greed and stinginess, because everything is for myself and my own? Or is it about to emerge from frustration with disappointment? No! No! And once again, no! It's not where there is this multi-headed hydra — pride. Which heads can not be counted: contempt and hostility, accusations, criticism, claims, envy, fear, discontent, pity, revenge and many others. There are a lot of heads. You cut off one, another grows. But is it really that hopeless? How do you figure it all out? Which is which?
The books of Anastasia Novykh and the videos with the esteemed Igor Mikhailovich Danilov helped me to understand everything. In particular, understanding my dual nature and observing thoughts. The observation of thoughts by the record in the notebook. A wonderful tool to make sure they're not mine. But this is not what we are talking about now, thoughts are another topic, who wants to, will find this very important information on the ALLATRA TV website.
So, figuring it out, I have put a question with an edge. Why am I in love, but my ego still scales? Is it love? When the demands are so many?! And expectations? Disappointments? And I wanted so much love, that true love from the Spiritual World, about which I had heard and read so much. Why don't I feel it? When I began to write my diary honestly, I found that all my attention was in the material life, desires of the body and in the interests of the consciousness. Thus, in the dead and temporary. Where, then, is eternal Love?
I understood that the art of living and loving would have to be learned. And I really wanted to learn how to love for real, not through the prism of consciousness, which cannot even be called love. And with time, studying the AllatRa Knowledge, I realized that it is impossible to love others without loving oneself. For it is said: "Love your neighbor as yourself. So, I have to learn to love myself first, and only through this love will I be able to love my neighbor. This was a revelation to me and a start for me to observe myself even more closely. Where is my attention? Whose will is it now?
Where am I? Who am I? How is it to love yourself? Self — who is that? The body? Or maybe the mind with all its quirks and patterns? No, no, and no! One must love God within oneself.
To find in oneself a spiritual beginning, to feel with the deepest feelings that innermost, True inside, where the flow of Love comes from...To grasp this feeling with attention, to love it with all sincerity and with such an aspiration that it becomes the most important.
And then in this Love, in Love for God, you find that there is no ego, it has no place without your attention. It only appears when you turn your eyes to it. But you are no longer interested in it. Love is the only thing that interests you and is important to you. You feel it, you live by it. And you are all in it, with all your attention and the love that you are capable of, that comes from the Soul. And a great gratitude covers you, then you plunge back into Love again. It's a dialogue between two lovers that's hard to put into words. And it becomes so much, it's like you're overwhelmed, and you share it with everyone from the excess of those feelings. You love. And you don't love one person in particular. You love everyone, because that's your condition. It's your life and your choice. And there is nothing else. There is only Love.
Is it possible to love others without truly loving yourself? Now I'm sure, no. Only through this inner, true love, which comes from the Soul, it is possible to love others. Then it is real, pure, bright, unselfish and generous. It is only necessary to find this source, not somewhere, but within oneself. Some will say: loving yourself is the way of an egoist. It is not. Ego arises only in trying, when there is no understanding of one's dual nature. And with understanding comes the choice of whom to serve: the animal or the Spiritual. It is impossible to serve two. Either you are with God or with Satan.
And now you don't expect anything from anyone. You just exist. And you don't exist at the same time. You let go of illusions of your importance and significance, you don't need them anymore. You let go of expectations and demands. You are no longer the empty well that previously needed to be filled with the attention of others. Your well is full. With love! And you let people just be, without judgment, without constant commentary. You respect your choice and you respect the choice of the person next to you, whatever they may be. And you are grateful! For everything! Because everything is an experience. Would I have been able to understand this without knowledge of human's dual nature? I don't think so. So infinite gratitude to the Spiritual World for this amazing time in which we live now, a time when there is a pure source of knowledge — AllatRa.
Can I say that I have comprehended love, learned to love? Also, no. Only learning. It is a whole art and work, a tremendous work. Because we live in the material world, in the material body, and consciousness is constantly distracting (provoking, attacking). As Igor Mikhailovich Danilov says, we are in the deep rear of the human enemy and we are connected with the living only thanks to the Soul. And it is in our power to make sure that there is more Love in this difficult world.
I will end with a little story. One evening, it was already dark, I went down to the basement, where the light on the steps was always on. It could only be turned on indoors. And there were never any problems, because the path was illuminated. And that evening someone turned off the light. It was dark and a little scary. With difficulty, by feel, I descended, mumbling indignantly under my breath: "It's so good when the light is constantly on." And it suddenly dawned on me. After all, everything is so simple! Just keep the light inside constantly! And then others will be lighter. But that’s already another story…
Elena, participant of "ALLATRA" IPM